Rough Draft
Here is the (very) rough draft of my video on how netspeak functions to connect people, especially among Anonymous posters on 4chan. Please comment on anything that you think would make this better, as it is in an obvious state of lacking the brilliant punch we want to bring to our final project. I’ll be updating this more later, of course, but until then…halp! Any comments appreciated. 
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April 26, 2009 at 3:20 am
I think the overall message was interesting. But to help your video out, I’m just going to write my criticisms, if that’s ok? And hopefully they’ll help you or give you some ideas to improve your video.
Watching was hard to follow (I understand this is a rough draft though). In the beginning, it started with an appeal to a general audience, but got very specific very quickly. So, it soon became a video for those specifically studying what you are studying. I don’t know if that’s what you wanted, but that’s how I felt watching. I had to rewind it multiple times to “get it”.
There were 4 main narratives in the video; the girl, the mask, Greta, and the computer. I think choosing one main narrative would help. Especially if the main narrative would point out the key points to get across.
2:05 mask explains 4chan and all that. I think it would be better if it was you or whomever was the main narrator. Especially since he talks in a way that I can not connect well with; but I connect more with your voice or the computer’s voice).
I liked the key points that flashed, like at 1:00. It helped me to know what was going on. More of that would be nice. And help break-up the “Emo” feeling of the mask. Like maybe at 2:25 and 3:28?
The music starts to have lyrics at 3:42. It’s very distracting and I have a hard time focusing on what the people are saying. I had to rewind it couple of times to hear them speak clearly. Come to think of it the music’s four note repetition was also distracting and kinda depressing. But maybe that’s just me? New music?
4:03 “Felt Presence of Direct Experience” – how about the words instead of a photo to emphasize his point?
From 4:06 on, instead of a slide show, could you get some video clips? It starts to feel like a PowerPoint at this point.
4:25 zoom in (or out) on the A-mark.
You open the video with text, how about closing with text?
The opening video of the people with the screen projected on them, would be better used for the ending (instead of the passing the note around).
April 26, 2009 at 7:33 am
Thankyou so much for the criticisms! There’s definitely a lot about this video that I’m going to change, but other people had brought up a lot of the points you did, and I’m glad to see it’s something that other people agree should be changed. I’m doing a new version with myself narrating most of the video; it was good to hear what you thought about the music, though, because I was planning on using it again. I’ll try to incorporate some of these things in my next draft – coming tomorrow at midnight!